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Fact Sheet:  Siblings of Children with Disabilities and the Unique Issues They Face

Sibling relationships are a very important part of a child's life.  Siblings are often a primary socializing agent within the family.  The relationships that siblings form within the family are likely to last throughout childhood into adulthood, and possibly into old age.  These relationships can last a lifetime, and they are are influenced by several factors. 

In the United States over 5.8 million children have disabilities, and many of those children have brothers and sisters.  Siblings of children with disabilities face some unique issues as they grow and develop within their families.  These children suddenly find themselves in a situation where they must adjust to a sister or brother who may require a large portion of family time, attention, money, and psychological support.  Children may experience a range of emotions toward a sibling with a disability, and each child's reaction will depend on their age and developmental level.  Special concerns surrounding having a brother or sister with a disability may include:

• Anger or jealousy over the amount of attention that the child with special needs receives, and feelings of resentment when the child with special needs is indulged, overprotected, or permitted to engage in behaviors unacceptable by other family members.

• Feelings of isolation from being excluded from information available to other family members and ignored by service providers.

• Feelings of guilt about having caused the disability, or being spared of having the condition, as well as the fear of developing the disability.

• Feelings of isolation brought on by the belief that no one else has the same feelings or experiences of having a sibling with a disability. 

• Increased care giving demands where the responsibility becomes overly burdensome and conflicts with the child's plans and activities.

• A perceived pressure to achieve in order to make up for a brother's or sister's disability.

• Concerns about their role in their sibling's future. 

There are also positive benefits to being the sibling of a child with a disability.  These benefits include:

• Higher levels of altruism

• Increased tolerance for differences

• Increased sense of maturity and responsibility

• Pride in their sibling's accomplishments

If the adults in these children's lives have an understanding of the unique issues they face, they can then provide support for them in order to buffer against the negative concerns the child may face, and to enhance the positive results that may occur from the unique experience of having a  sibling with a disability.  The following are some strategies to address the concerns listed above.

• Parents should set aside time to spend with the typically developing child.  This may include organizing short term care for important events and  putting the needs of the typically developing child first. 

• To the greatest extent possible, allow the child with a disability to participate in household chores, and to share some of the responsibilities of their siblings.  This may help with resentment that stems from the view that the typical developing child may have about their sibling's lack of responsibilities.   

• Provide siblings with age appropriate information about their brother's or sister's disability.  Be open to answering their questions and ask them for their opinions when situations concern them.  This providing of information can help the child to put the disability in perspective, and can also help to eliminate some of the fear and guilt that the child may feel.  Also, try to involve them in programs provided by the agency that is serving their sibling.  The Guidance and Regulations of the Children Act of 1989 states that "the needs of brothers and sisters should not be overlooked and they should be provided for as part of a package of services for the child with a disability". 

• Involve the child in sibling groups where they have the opportunity to meet other siblings of children with special needs.  This may help them to realize that they are not alone and that they can share their concerns with others who are experiencing the same types of concerns.

• Share the responsibilities of caring for the child with special needs between all family members.  A sibling should not become a primary caregiver.  Remember that the sibling of a child with a disability is only a child him/herself and that they need to be treated as such.

• Plan for the future of the child with special needs.  Siblings may be concerned about their role in their brother's or sister's future.  These children may face unusual, additional responsibilities due to their sibling's disability.  Careful planning by parents can help to ease the responsibility and the feelings of stress that the sibling may feel about the uncertainty of the future.    

While siblings of children with disabilities face some unique concerns, those concerns do not have to impact the child in a negative way if they are handled correctly by the adults in the child's life.  Educating ourselves about ways in which we can buffer the negative effects of these influences can help to make the experience of growing up with a sibling with special needs a challenging, but worthwhile and rewarding one.  It is not just the responsibility of the parents, but also the service providers, the teachers, and other community members who are involved with the child.  All of these people working together can make a difference in these children's lives.